first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Randomize
