so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
