Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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