You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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