Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
