i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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