just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
