my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
