hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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