Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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