I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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