It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
