Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
