I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
