Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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