ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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