brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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