my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
