i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
