my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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