I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
