dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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