Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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