everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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