ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
