i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
