Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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