Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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