I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
