You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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