The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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