Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
