Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
