He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
