Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
