He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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