these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
