I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
