oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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