fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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