I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
