TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
only you would photoshop your dick
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
