the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
