the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
