I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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