I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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