I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
