6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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