We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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