he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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