broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We had to coat check the pizza.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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