how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
