You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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